Doniel speaks

 

-If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
-Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
-Going to shul doesn't make you a Yid, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
-Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
-My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
-Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
-It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
-For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
-If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
-Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
-A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
-Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
-Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
-No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
-A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
-Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
-Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
-Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
-There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
-Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
-By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
-Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
-Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world.
-If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.